How To Have Lesbian Sex 102: Cunnilingus Edition
Welcome to You Need Help: Sex Edition. Disclaimer: not everyone answering questions is a medical professional. These are our opinions. These articles about sex are to promote conversation, so if you agree or disagree with what we say, please feel free to leave it in the comments. Discussion, much like sex, is a healthy part of life. And as always, you do you. Or someone else.
This question was asked in person, so I’m going to paraphrase it:
I’ve had other kinds of sex before, but somehow I’ve never gone down on someone with a vagina. And because I’ve done other stuff before, I feel like people I hook up with expect me to know how to do it. But I don’t. And I’m nervous.
Okay, reader who was brave enough to ask me this question in person, this one’s for you. Consider it our follow-up to How To Have Lesbian Sex For the First Time (and yes, the language we choose for these headlines are chosen for search engine optimization reasons!).
Remember That All Vaginas Are Different
And different vaginas like different things, which is why it’s hard for us to give you any across-the-board advice. It doesn’t actually matter if you’ve gone down on zero vaginas or 103 — when you’re going down on someone for the first time, it’s as if you’ve never gone down on anyone before. Everyone likes totally different sensations in bed, so everyone starts from the beginning when faced with a new vagina. Your inexperience here is a complete non-issue in terms of skill. (The only rule you need to know ahead of time is to be careful about where your teeth end up!) Sure, people take some tips and tricks with them from partner to partner, but in the end communication will win.
Talk About It
Mouths aren’t just for oral sex! They’re for talking, too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying things like:
- “Just FYI, I’ve never gone down on a vagina before.”
- “I’m nervous because the only thing I’ve ever licked consistently is a tootsie pop. But I’m really into doing this with you.”
- “I feel scared that you’re not gonna like what I do going down on you, so just grab my hair and put me in the right spot if I’m not there already!”
Be clear with your partner that you’re totally into feedback in the moment. As in, “a little to the left,” “harder” or “keep doing that.” Remember: harder is not always better. It depends entirely on the person, but don’t assume that hard and fast always wins the race ’til you hear it from your partner.
For the vagina-havers who are receiving this great oral sex — I hear a lot of people feel weird about giving feedback because they think they’re being selfish or making sex too much about them. First: your body is involved. This sex is partially about you. Second, feedback is about your partner, not just about you. Feedback makes people feel comfortable while they’ve got their mouth on your vulva. Tell them when they’ve hit the spot, or if they’re being too soft or too hard with you. It’s not just about you getting what you want — it’s about your partner getting what they want, too.
Most of the time, my advice revolves around communication. But I do recognize that sometimes practical tips need to exist, because confidence. It’s easier to begin a road trip with a map, even if someone’s going to give you a few directions as you go. So, here are just a few tips and tricks:
Use Your Whole Mouth…
It’s fun to tease your partner by lightly flicking the tip of your tongue over the whole area, just barely tickling her clit and tracing both sides of her vagina, to get warmed up (or to take an intensity break). But there’s a lot more to our mouths than the tip of the tongue! Your tongue is three dimensional and has many different surfaces. You can lightly suck on things. You’ve got lips, too! Why should you use your whole mouth, you ask?
The clitoris is more than just the visible part we think of as “the button.” The darker pink bits in the above picture are the internal parts of the clitoris, and they also respond to sensation. Using just the tip of your tongue isn’t going to reach all that wonderful goodness — show the rest of that structure some love! Keep in mind that even things that aren’t part of the clitoris can be pleasurable for your hookup/partner/person.
Try a bunch of different tactics: flatten your tongue and lick the whole area (like an ice cream cone!), give hard pressure with your tongue, suck on the clitoris (or suck on the clitoral hood while flicking your tongue against the clit), press against different parts of the vulva with your lips or go in circles around the clit with your tongue. You can also tease the vaginal opening with your tongue, or get really wild and dip your tongue all the way in.
Sometimes there’s a knee-jerk tendency to respond to omg-I’m-about-to-come noises by starting to do what you were doing harder and faster. She’s excited and gripping your hand, you’re excited and gripping her thigh, and naturally you keep upping the ante as excitement builds. Every person is different, of course, but in general the best thing to do is exactly what you were doing to get your partner “almost there” in the first place, instead of switching or going faster/harder — which actually requires a lot of concentration and focus. Like pretty much all of your concentration and focus.
…Unless Your Hookup Wants Something Specific
Experimentation is super fun, and experimenting with different sensations and different parts of your mouth is part of the awesome. But, as you’ve already told your hookup/partner/person that you want feedback in the moment, be sure to listen to that feedback. It can sometimes be hard to pull away from something you’re trying, but unless teasing is part of the game, remember to focus on the bits that feel good to that particular vagina.
Are We Supposed to Make Noises?
There is no “supposed to” in the bedroom department, and this is no different. But “they” say that making noises like you’re eating a delicious ice cream sundae (i.e., humming) can feel sensational for the vulva that you’re sexing up. Like anything else, it works for some people and not for others. Unless your hookup/partner/person asks for something different, I usually default to my acting training here. And no, that doesn’t mean “pretend to make porn noises.” It actually means that there’s no need to react in any way you wouldn’t normally react. If you’re going to make noises, they should be your truth noises — the ones you really really want to make in the moment, or the ones you can’t keep in. Making a noise like you’re eating the best damn sandwich in the world just because you want them to know you’re having fun, though, might ring false to your hookup/partner/person.
Pillows: They Help
I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden I got old enough that my neck hurts when I put it in strange positions. Such as that my neck winds up in during vagina-style oral sex. I resisted the aid of pillows for a while, thinking it would be unsexy to ask people to lift their butts up so I could put a pillow underneath them before going to town. What is less sexy, though, is ceasing mouth-to-vulva contact because you have the equivalent of a charlie horse in your neck. If you’re doing things traditionally, sliding a pillow under the receiver’s bum is a great way to raise their hips up so that you don’t have to gumby into bizarre positions. If you’re going with a less traditional position, apply that same ingenuity to other objects in the room. Using pillows or furniture to get the perfect position is a great way to go. Or you can have them sit on your face if your neck gets tired.
Turn Your Oral Presentation Into A Multimedia One
With your partner/hookup/person’s permission, you don’t have to do ONLY ORAL SEX. There are all sorts of other things you can do while you are orally sexing — fingers in the vaginal opening, fingers in the anus, butt plug, g-spot vibrator, nipple pinching and outer-thigh slapping.
I bet if I challenge y’all to think of stuff that pairs with oral sex like wine pairs with a good meal, y’all can come up with at least 50 things to do while your tongue/mouth is doing its thang. In fact yes, I do challenge you to do that. What are 50 other things you can do in bed while your mouth is on a vulva? Go.
But What If It’s That Time of the Month?
I advocate for an enthusiasm much like the following:
Bodily fluids are bodily fluids, and if you’re fluid bonded and STI tested, period fluid is absolutely fine to get all over your mouth and face. Period sex can be hot. If you are not fluid bonded and STI tested, please consider making your sex safer by using dental dams and gloves regardless of the time of the month. And if the person you intend to go down on says she does not want to because she’s on her period, that’s okay too. Just assure this lovely human that you’re totally cool with it, either way. Some people just don’t feel sexy on their periods, and I recommend watching a Netflix marathon with a cute hot water bottle until a sexier time comes around.
Remember: The Person Giving Oral Sex Should Like It Too
You are also having sex here. Which means you get to have a (rol)licking good time as well. If your hookup/partner/person is unsure of what they want or down for exploring or says something to the effect of “if your mouth is on my vulva, I’m having a good time,” then figure out what feels good on your mouth. That’s as good a way as any way to figure out new ways to interact with a vulva — perhaps you really like the way lightly sucking the clit feels? Cool, do that! If your partner says that’s not their thing, do another thing that feels good on your mouth. As we wrote in the Autostraddle guide to Having Lesbian Sex for the First Time, “your body was born knowing how to have sex like it knows how to eat and knows how to walk.” You might find if you stop thinking so hard, a lot of this could come naturally!
So go forth, reader, and put your mouth on a vulva. Don’t let anxiety hold you back — you’re gonna do just fine.
3 Oral Sex Techniques From A Lesbian (#2 Will Blow Her Mind!)
1) The “Lip Trace” Trick
If you don’t feel very “experienced” with your oral skills, or you simply want a nice way to warm her up, then this lip tracing technique will work wonders for you.
It’s also pretty straightforward–here’s how it’s done:
PORNSTAR TANA LEA REVEALS: “How To Eat P***y Like A Pro!”
Starting at the bottom of her labia, use your tongue to lick upward toward her clitoris. Go slow–if you go too fast, she may become too sensitive or not experience as much pleasure as she possibly can.
Once you hit her clit, lick back down the other side of her labia. Keep moving up and down like this, and experiment with both your breath and speed.
If you notice her breathing increasing, or if she starts to moan, then keep doing what you’re doing–that means she likes it.
2) The “Aphrodite Technique”
This next one is a little more intermediate–but the payoff is huge when properly executed.
Start off by separating her vaginal lips with your tongue, and use as little pressure as possible.
Make your way up to her clitoris, then move your tongue in a swirling motion all around her clitoral hood. Keep doing this until you notice her getting wetter and more excited. Resist the urge to increase your pressure.
Once she seems like she’s about to explode, then you can increase the pressure and pace of your movements.
Pro Tip: Move your tongue between her clitoris and her labia for a truly pleasurable experience.
And if you really want to take her over the edge, try sucking her clitoris. But be careful–some women are more sensitive to this technique than others, so make sure she’s comfortable and enjoying it every step of the way.
3) On The Edge of Her Seat
This one puts her, quite literally, on the edge of her seat–and for good reason, too.
It’s especially great if you’re used to the “same ol’ same ol’” when it comes to oral, because it goes beyond the typical, “write the alphabet with your tongue” advice that most guys hear growing up.
Have her lie back, and place your arms beneath her thighs for leverage (she should be straddling your face).
From there, it’s really up to you how to do it. Depending on your style, she can either use her own strength to grind her hips against your face, or you can take control and send her over the edge on your own.
In fact, if you want to spice things up even more, you could even throw a vibrator into the mix! (Never underestimate the power of using a good vibrator with a woman–trust me.)
At the end of the day, the key is to make sure that whatever you do to her *down there* feels good. And of course, it’s even better if it ends in a hot-as-hell orgasm. 
According to Shanna Katz, sexologist, sex educator, and author of Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms Opens a New Window:
It’s awesome for guys to say, [giving oral sex] is going to be part of my sexual repertoire. It makes you look like you’re interested in your partner’s pleasure, which is something that makes you a great partner.”
16 Lesbians Draw Their Best Cunnilingus Tips and the Result Is Amazing
Via a series of super weird, but awesome as hell drawings.
If anyone could probably give you some great cunnilingus tips, it's lesbians on spring break. Cosmopolitan.com asked 16 lesbians at the annual Dinah Shore Weekend (aka the original "lesbian spring break") in Palm Springs, California, to draw their game plan for what they do the first time they sleep with a woman and the results were basically amazing. Let's do this:
1. This first one is great because it gets very specific (note the "mix") and also advises you to not finger her butthole the first time you have sex with her. Wise words.
2. This one takes a slightly different approach with "yes, def touch her clit" and "no, do not touch her butthole at all. I'm serious."
3. Emily, who wanted us to know she recently had a birthday, got so specific that it was hilarious watching how much time she spent on this. Also, not going to lie, this is really good advice. That's all I'll say.
4. This one is great because it looks like a fishhook that gives you an orgasm.
5. I love imagining a high school gym teacher writing this on the blackboard like it's a play for football, but nope, vaginas.
6. This one is so modestly written I'd almost bet the person who wrote it was wearing white gloves at the time.
7. This looks like the rantings of a crazy person but I'm sure it would feel awesome.
8. My heart just got really happy when I saw the words "equally" because it made me think of "equality." I don't know. It's been a long day.
9. Um, this one is a pretty exciting plan. Again, that is all I will say. Recommend.
10. I'm guessing the symbol on the side means "This whole area. Just all of it" which is fair.
11. I love that Samantha was like, "Yep. This is my name. Here's my location. Here's how I'd make you come!" Good to know.
12. This one makes going down on a girl look deceptively easy.
13. This one is written like a sex recipe. "2–3 fingers and 1 tablespoon of margarine." But, you know, don't use margarine IRL. Or do. Is that a thing?
14. This one recommends butthole contact, but only if you use a very sot [sic] touch." That's a good game-plan for first-time sex.
15. I gotta say, this one looks unorthodox for me and I am intrigued. Proceed.
16. This one is hands-down my favorite. "Get that clit, bro. Just get. That. Clit."
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a38815/lesbians-draw-their-best-cunnilingus-tips-and-the-result-is-amazing/
6 Hot Lesbian Oral Sex Techniques
1) Kissing the Labia
The labia are also called the vaginal lips. Just as the lips around your mouth do, the labia respond to similar forms of contact. You might try licking the labia up and down. Giving the labia a gentle "lip-lock" also can be quite stimulating..
2) Labial Hold
The Labial Hold is a simple technique. While holding the two parts of her labia together with your lips, run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time.
3) Clitoral Stimulation
Since the clitoris is the most sensitive part of your lover's body, stimulation should start out somewhat gently. Begin with your tongue and lips. Stimulate both sides of the shaft of clitoris with your tongue. You can also gently stimulate the head of the clitoris. You can also try flicking the underside of the shaft with your tongue.
4) Clitoral Sucking
Expose your lover's clitoris by spreading her labia and lightly pulling back her clitoral hood. With her clitoris exposed, give it a quick, little suck; pull it into your mouth briefly, and then let it go. Treat it as if you are licking cake frosting off of your pinky. This feels incredible, but don’t overdo it! Do not use strong suction when starting out.
5) Inserting Your Tongue
After stimulating the labia and clitoris, your lover may respond well to the insertion of your tongue. Start with just the tip and later for variety insert more of your tongue into the vagina. .
6) Stimulating the Perineum:
The perineum is the area between the vagina and the anus. It is quite sensitive, so stimulation of the perineum can be highly arousing. You want to be very gentle at first. Also, you should make sure your lover is comfortable with being touched in that area.
Varying your techniques can make oral sex more exciting, but remember that once you've found something that your lover is really responding to, stick with it. Changing too often can be as bad as never changing. The best way to strike a balance is to pay close attention to your lover's reactions - whether physical or verbal - and proceed accordingly.
How To Eat Pussy (the right way!) By A Lesbian Who Cares
If you’re looking for a lesson in how to eat pussy from someone who has experience at both ends of the tongue, look no further. I’m a 30-something lesbian woman who has spent a lot of time giving oral sex to women, and receiving it…
Yep, I know how to lick a clit to orgasm and I’ve had my pussy eaten many a time; some good, some not so good! And so, to reduce the chances of a not-so-good eating out experience, I’m going to give you a free taster in the art of cunnilingus.
Did you know that a research study of 52,000 Americans found that receiving oral sex is by far the strongest predictor of how frequently women orgasm? Yep, it went so far as to suggest that receiving oral sex (cunnilingus) could even double a woman’s chance of orgasm! You can read more on that here!
Regardless if you are male, intersex or female, identify as non-binary, man or woman (or girl or boy!); whomever you are and whatever your gender or sexual orientation, if you want to know how go down on a vulva in style, you’re in the right place.
And yes, that’s right — I said vulva. Not clit, not vagina. Vulva.
Not sure what a vulva is, well let’s get this party started…Read on to discover how you can please your partner and become a pussy-eating, pussy-licking cunnilinguist guru.
Table Of Contents
- Pussy map: an overview female anatomy
- The Vulva
- The Vagina
- The Clitoris
- What is “sex”?
- How to give safe cunnilingus
- How to use a dental dam
- 5 ways you can use dental dams to enhance pleasure
- How to pleasure a girl / woman / vulva-owner
- Top 10 Pussy-licking mistakes to avoid
- How to eat pussy…
- How to lick a clit and give oral sex the right way
- 5 bonus techniques: advanced pussy licking and how to stop tongue ache
- How to tell if she has orgasmed
- How to give her multiple orgasms
- How to satisfy a woman in bed – always
- A caveat – it takes two to tango, even with oral sex
Pussy map: an overview female anatomy
If you’re going to become a cunnilinguist and eat pussy like a champ, you need to know a little bit about female anatomy and the lay of the land. I realise this is the bit many of you will be tempted to skip over, but don’t; I’ll keep it brief. Promise.
Firstly, pussy comes in all shapes and sizes.
In the fine words of Chet Pussy: You’ll find black pussy, white pussy, silky pussy, hairy pussy, velvet pussy, and a whole spectrum in between. Thankfully, I’ve yet to encounter a real, live, snapping pussy. Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, check out Quentin Tarantino’s vampire movie From Dusk ‘Til Dawn. But yeah, just be aware that there is a huge variety of pussy out there and no such thing as a “normal” pussy.
C’mon in pussy lovers!
The Vulva
Everything external in the genital region can be referred to as the vulva. That includes the clitoris (aka the clit), the clitoral hood, urethra tip (pee hole), lips (labia majora and minora) and pubic mound. Similar to the external genitalia of a male, the vulva contains many highly erogenous zones that can result in orgasm if stimulated. And yes, you guessed it, the tongue is a damn good tool for getting the job done. Licking pussy is much more likely to arouse your partner and bring them to orgasm than straight-up penetration of the vagina.
Important note: in terms of sexual pleasure, it is the vulva (and specifically the clitoris) which is most similar to the penis NOT the vagina!
A strawberry-inspired diagram of the vulva!
The vulva is a little bit like a cock n balls: The tiny part of the clitoris you can see is similar to the head of the penis (the rest of the clitoral organ lies beneath the surface and is similar to the shaft), the clitoral hood is similar to the penis foreskin and the inner lips are comparable to the testicles. That’s very crude and rough; the important thing to remember is that most of a female’s erogenous zones are on the outside, not the inside!
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Now, back to it…
The Mound & The Lips
The mound (aka Mound of Venus) and outer lips can be seen fairly easily and are the two areas that would naturally be covered in pubic hair. Relative to everything else in the genital region, they are least sensitive.
The inner lips (aka labia minora) are hairless and loaded with blood vessels and nerve endings. They are the next level of protection to the vagina. The inner lips can be either completely enclosed by the outer lips or protrude below. They vary hugely in size, shape, texture, and color. These lips are much more sensitive than the outer lips, they produce oily fluids that contain pheromones, which can increase sexual attraction, further enhance arousal, and provide lubrication. You’ll be giving the inner lips a lotta love.
Female anatomy diagram: between the legs and the pudendal nerve
The Vagina
The vagina is the internal “tunnel” part of the person you’re going down on. It leads to the cervix which is the narrow passage into the womb (aka the uterus – the place where babies grow). Contrary to popular belief, there are very few pleasure points within the vagina, relative to the vulva.
When it comes to pussy licking, a tongue is pretty useless for stimulating the vagina (although I do like a dip every now and then). You’ll need to use fingers and/or a toy if your partner desires a lap and a fuck at the same time.
Female anatomy: side view (diagram also shows the pudendal nerve)
The Clitoris
The head of the clitoris or glans is commonly referred to as the clitoris, or clit. It is the sensitive pink nub you’ll find right below the hood, often described as pea-sized but frequently a lot smaller or larger. There are around 8,000 nerve endings concentrated in that tiny nub, spreading sensations out to other areas. This is one of the reasons the head of the clitoris has a hood: To protect it. However, the hood in itself is also erogenous tissue that is extremely useful when bringing your partner to climax
The clitoris is actually a lot more than this little piece of visible flesh. The “clit” you see is only the tip of the iceberg: The majority of the clitoral organ lies beneath the surface and is made up of erectile tissue surrounded by nerves that spreads those sensation along the lips, throughout the pelvic region (including around the vagina entrance) and hook up to sex organ numero uno: The brain.
Diagram of the clitoris featuring approximate overlay of vulva area (the “head” is the only part you can see and what is commonly referred to as the “clit”)
The sole purpose of the clitoris is to provide pleasure. You’ll be focusing a lot on that little nub once you get down to business.
There’s a lot more we could dive into such as the pudendal nerve (which you can see in some of the diagrams above and is worth reading up on — more details on that can be found in my book) but I promised to keep anatomy short. So we’ll finish with a diagram showing the location of the G-spot, which, if you refer to the clitoral organ diagram above, you’ll see is very much related to the clitoris (clitoral organ). If your partner like’s penetration, hitting this spot whist lavishing your tongue on their clit can be a real hit.
Diagram showing the location of the G-Spot (the most sensitive areas in the vagina are near it’s entrance). More here.
What is “sex”?
Before we move on I’d like you to quickly have a think about what “sex” is and what it means to you. Reproductive sex (to produce babies) is thrusting the penis into the vagina with the aim of ejaculation and fertilization of the woman’s egg by sperm. It is commonly referred to as “sexual intercourse” and even simply as “sex”. This reproductive process happens to be a pleasurable experience for a male, less-so for a female — it can be but not always, pleasure for the woman involves stimulating the vulva, and specifically the clitoris, remember? Think pussy! Prrrr!
These limited understandings and beliefs of what constitutes “having sex” have been with us since childhood sex-ed classes and have carried through into adult live, with many grown men and still women thinking of “sex” as being cock in vag. Ask yourself;
- When was the last time you “had sex”…
with the aim of producing a baby? - When was the last time you “had sex”…
with the aim of producing pleasure?
If pleasure is the main purpose of sex, then surely our definition and understanding of “sex” needs to change?
I’d say I have sex regularly and it never involves a penis*. Strapon— sometimes; vibrator— maybe; penis—never. What it always involves is a lot of kissing and touching, and it mostly includes at least some lick-licky pussy-eating action. For the “receiver”, sex almost always results in at least one orgasm and I’d say averages out around the 2-3 mark. Yep, women can orgasm multiple times and it’s not unheard of to approach double digits!
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Get the audiobook with all my oral sex tips AND more... the audiobook is FREE on Audible (free to new members or subscribers).
Check it Out!
So, in order for us all to have better and more satisfying sexual encounters — and yes, that applies to you with the cock too; if you’ve ever taken the time to notice, a woman who is aroused to the point of climax becomes wild, lustful and wants you more — we need to update our thinking on what “sex” is (and sure, penetration is very often a part of it, even with us lesbians). Basically, when a woman orgasms, or comes close to orgasm, sex becomes intense for everyone involved.
Fortunately, we can orgasm many times, just not typically through penetration alone. But you know that already, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Let’s move on…
*Interestingly, in many places lesbians cannot even have “sex” as in most jurisdictions, lack of a penis means there is no legal definition for “lesbian sex”. Even the criminalization and de-criminalization of homosexuality didn’t even really recognize anyone without a penis. It seems many a lesbian “virgin” walks amongst us 
How to give safe cunnilingus
Technically, cunnilingus is one of the safest forms of sex you can indulge in, but low risk doesn’t mean no risk and hygiene should be considered for all forms of sex. I know this probably isn’t top of the list as regards what you want to know, so I’ll just give you a short list of 6 pussy-eating considerations:
- Practice good oral (hygiene). The vagina is cleaner than the mouth. Yes, it’s true. So give your mouth a quick rinse with a non-stinging wash or chew a piece of sugarless gum. Gum not only helps neutralize bacteria, but will get your saliva going, which is a big plus. Just don’t do anything that might cause bleeding such as flossing of heavy brushing.
- Trim your nails. Ok, we’re talking oral sex here, but your hands are going to get involved too. Clean, trimmed nails are a must. No one likes having their delicate bits handled with snagged or rough nails. You don’t have to cut them super short, but do keep them trimmed and buffed.
- Remove your rings. Especially if they have stones or carvings; It’s better to go ring-free so that you don’t accidentally injure the person you’re trying to pleasure. Jewelry also harbors bacteria and dirt, which can lead to infections. Just like you need clean nails, you don’t want to introduce germs to the party through your jewelry.
- Groom your facial hair. If you’ve got stubble, it’s usually best to shave it clean. There are rare people who like the scratchy fire between their legs, but for most, it will only cause irritation and discomfort. Got longer locks? Make sure your facial hair is clean and trimmed or combed. And don’t forget to wash up the fun is done!
- Don’t blow. Never blow into your partner’s vagina. It’s dangerous. Across the clit and vulva, yes. Into the vagina, no!
- Reduce fluid transfer. Whilst STIs can be transmitted through contact alone, transfer of sexual fluid and blood increase the risk. If your partner is menstruating or if you have any open wounds in your mouth or fingers the risks are increased. If you have any uncertainty of your partner’s status be prepared to play safe. Same when it comes to you — be honest if you think you may transfer an infection to her through your mouth. Dams (aka dental dams) are where it’s at when it comes to safe cunnilingus, and whilst they’re not considered particularly sexy, I’ve provided some detail below on how you can use them and make them sexy.
How to use a dental dam
Firstly, for anyone who doesn’t know what a “dental dam” is, it’s a thin, square sheet of latex that you use to cover the area your mouth is about to come in contact with. They can easily be found online and are also available in a lot of major pharmacies and stores. Go for the largest size as they can slide.
Who holds the dam in place? That’s up to you and will depend what you’re at but generally we find it’s best if the receiver holds it in place. This has the added benefit of the receiver having to be physically involved and giving them something to focus on, which can be useful if they are anxious.
The secret to sexy safe sex is to be prepared in advance and know how to use dams. This might not sound terribly sexy but it will help reduce any anxiety you may have when things are about to get down and dirty. And remember, much of the awkwardness around dams and safe sex is perception; don’t apologize. Be confident and you will put your partner at ease; safe sex is as much about protecting them as it is about protecting you.
Dam tip: In addition to dams, have some lube handy. Place it between the dam and your partner to enhance sensation.
5 ways you can use dental dams to enhance pleasure
I’ve been with my partner for a long time, double-digit years, yet we still occasionally use dams together. Why? Because latex is sexy and fun, and dams open other opportunities. Here are 5 ways you can use dams that actually enhance pleasure:
- Sex on fire. If your partner is the type who likes warming lube or tingling lube or any sort of lube you don’t fancy having in your mouth, then a dam can facilitate an experience that might not otherwise be possible sans-barrière.
- Spread the love. For those who have a sensitive partner, a damn allows you to give licky-licky action that is distributed more evenly across the vulva area. Even if they are not the most sensitive, the latex spread and sensation can be deeply satisfying.
- Saving tongue. Use the dam to tease your partner by sliding it across their clit or lips (add some lube between it and your partner). Not only does this feel great, but it gives your tongue a break without causing your partner frustration through stopping. This is another reason for buying the largest size.
- Bubble pop. If you want to try something different, suck some air into the dam, creating a bubble, then ease it back and forth with your tongue until it dissipates. This can be quite a tease if you get it right. Either way, it’s fun to break the ice.
- Bottoms up. Ever wanted to venture into ass-territory but scared of all those germs? A dam is your friend. Make sure you use a clean one and don’t place it near the vulva/vagina after. Now you can get rimming without fear.
How to pleasure a girl / woman / vulva-owner
The secret to pleasuring a clit-owner is to ensure they are aroused before you go anywhere near the clit. That means foreplay. And no, as per above, licking pussor eating y isn’t foreplay: Licking pussy is sex.
And what do we need before sex? That’s right. Foreplay.
“Aw, foreplay is boring. Get on with it and tell me how to lick that clit, woman”, I hear you say. I will. But wait a moment, foreplay really is big – I need to at least pay it lip service (excuse the pun). And it’s not just physical we’re talking either; your partner needs to be psychologically prepped if you’re going to give them a mouth-to-pussy climax and emerge an orgasm hero.
“Women” are usually sensitive and self-conscious beings and just like yourself, they may have performance fears or fears of rejection, so it’s important to ensure they are feeling sexy and comfortable. Don’t be afraid to let them know you’re a bit nervous and ask for their assistance and guidance; this can actually help them relax and be more vocal once you get down to lavishing your lips on their pussy.
When it comes to foreplay, get started early. Your woman (or other-gendered clit-owner) will be much easier to please if she’s already aroused. And your tongue will be grateful. Why not send a text earlier in the day to get their mind going? Trigger those sexy thoughts and let their mind take over. When you get together, be seductive. Stroke, kiss, tease. Don’t just dive in.
If you think of oral sex as foreplay you’re likely trying to go down on a partner who is not adequately aroused. That means more work for you and less fun for your partner. It could be the reason you’re missing out on those mouth-to-pussy orgasms and your partner ends up frustrated or faking it.
There. Done. If you need more info on what exactly foreplay is, how to initiate foreplay or how to get her aroused do a Google search or check out my book before you move on and try to eat her out. Trust me, if she’s not aroused and up for it, your cunni session will be pretty disastrous no matter how great your pussy-licking skills are.
Final rant: if you want to please a woman sexually, get good at pre-genital foreplay and building arousal. Take her to a state where she’s desperate for you to touch her. I’ve only skimmed lightly over foreplay because I know you’re keen to get between the legs!
Top 10 Pussy-licking mistakes to avoid
Let’s dive into some of the mistakes you may have made in the past whilst trying to give oral sex, or if you haven’t yet gone down on a woman, a list of common schoolboy errors to avoid.
- Viewing cunnilingus as foreplay and thus skipping “real” foreplay and going straight for the genitals — your partner will not be adequately warmed up physically or mentally; it’s unlikely you’ll make her come.
- Focusing only on the pussy and forgetting about the rest of the body — your partner will be left feeling anxious and exposed, any feeling of sexiness and arousal will fade away.
- Diving straight in with a manic pointy tongue frenzy — your partner will end up sore and numb, then push you away.
- Being ignorant of the clitoris and it’s role — without clitoral stimulation it is unlikely your partner will reach orgasm, so learn some basic anatomy.
- Using your teeth — don’t think there’s too much to be said here; the general rule is to keep those gnashers behind them lips – your lips, that is!
- Being too rough — if you slam fingers inside or suck too hard, it will hurt her and she’ll rightfully push you away (the clitoral head is like the head of a penis – not the full shaft, so dont try to give it a “blow job”!).
- Not listening and responding — if you treat her like a machine, mouthing the alphabet or reciting a routine you’ll miss the cues to take her to the next level and she’ll go cold.
- Being out for yourself (reciprocation) — your partner will sense selfish motivation; she will feel used and her sexual desire will die.
- Failing to maintain rhythm — once you find the rhythm that’s taking her to orgasm, changing it will cause the climax die a death.
- Stopping too soon — nuff said (btw, if you’d been better at foreplay and a more considerate lover she’d have probably orgasmed by now!)
Top Tip: Although not technically a pussy licking mistake, forgetting to use your hands will lose you brownie points. Hands can be used to caress the breasts and torso or to stimulate various areas of her vulva.
How to eat pussy…
So let’s assume you’ve got your gal excited and in the mood. What next? How do you get to that point where you’re actually going down on her pussy and eating her out?
Here’s 5 steps to getting your tongue in pussy;
- Comfort counts: Ensure the room is a comfortable temperature, lighting is right and you have enough space. A large bed is perfect or a rug on the floor. Pillows can be handy for both your comfort.
- Use your full body: As you get warmed up, kiss her pay attention to her neck and collar bone. Caress her breasts through her clothes and tell her how ravishing she is. Try pressing your thigh (or even your still-clothed penis or strapon) against her groin area — you’ll know she’s getting highly aroused when she starts pressing and grinding her pussy against you.
- Pay lip service before lick service: Make your way down her body and breath her in. Savor her, work her top up and tell her how amazing her scent is. Be sure she knows you desire her and are reveling in the thought of devouring her pussy.
- Leave the panties on until the last minute. Breath hot air through them, rub your mouth and chin or nose against her mound and between her legs. The pantie barrier will cause the lips and clitoral hood to rub against the clit, making her want you like crazy. Her sent will make your desire to taste her even stronger. Don’t neglect the rest of the body; the inner thighs, the navel, the breasts…and the brain; moan and show her you are excited about what’s ahead.
- Avoid the clit: By now, you’ll be peeling those panties off. When you do get between those legs and commence tongue-action, be sure to avoid direct contact with the clit. Keep your tongue flat and use it to explore the lips and circle lightly around the clitoral hood. Use your fingers to hide or expose flesh, and to tease. Kiss the inner thighs and navel, and stroke her body to maintain connectedness – this is the stage when your partner will feel most exposed and anxious.
In virtually all cases, erogenous zones will respond best to gentle stimulation first, with firmer pressure becoming more desirable as arousal levels increase.
Top Tip: The best position for cunnilingus is missionary. When you get down to licky-licky, do as follows; lay the receiver on their back and have them pull their feet towards their butt, causing their knees to raise. Then spread the legs slightly — just enough for you to fit between them and no more. You should be in a position whereby your mouth can easily press against your partner’s vulva. For taller folks, if you’re on a bed try laying at a diagonal.
How to lick a clit and give oral sex the right way
So you’ve landed between the legs and are currently teasing, pleasuring and pussy eating away. Now it’s time to really lavish some love on that clitoris and drive her to orgasm. Note that it is very possible she has already orgasmed — some clitoris’s are extremely sensitive and all that pre-clitoral action may have resulted in climax. If so, take things back a noch and slowly build her back up again for round two.
How to eat pussy – 5 top tips
Assuming she hasn’t yet climaxed, below are your next steps to oral-orgamsatron:
- Forget the alphabet myth: whilst this can be used as a form of foreplay and I cover it in my book, it really should not be used for driving an orgasm. The constant changing combined with lack of your attention is unlikely to satisfy any woman. Same goes for recalling combo-moves and counting licks or the length of time you spend on each particular technique. Whilst it may be useful to have an idea of order and duration, every person progresses differently. All this focusing on letters or routine does is take your attention away from reading and responding to your lover’s signals.
- Use the hood: When you get down to business, the little piece of flesh that protects the clit is your friend. It allows you to distribute stimulation more evenly, create a grinding effect and build arousal. Do this by lightly pinching the hood or lips with a finger and thumb, turning them into a barrier between the clit and your tongue. Then start kissing, licking and lapping with long, slow strokes from the vagina entrance right up to the clit. Not only is this a huge tease that can often result in climax, it is also a great technique for when you’re with someone who is a little too sensitive for direct tongue-on-clit action.
- Mix up those strokes: As you progress, use a variety of strokes, circles, speed and pressure. This allows you to discover what gets your partner off whilst also reducing the tongue ache caused by repetitive strain. You can use an up-down lick or gently flick your tongue sideways across the clit, alternating with circles. Try a long purposeful lick, from the vagina to the clit, stroking in a diagonal direction or using the sides of your tongue. Try holding your tongue against the clit and doing nothing; Let your lover grind against you if they wish. All this variety builds tension and allows you to figure out what does it for them.
- Enter the finger(s): The desire for penetration varies from person to person. I personally love it. Assuming your partner has consented, dip in for a tease, but hold back on full G-Spot stimulation. Try inserting one stationary finger. The finger should barely touch the vaginal walls, and will build anticipation. Similarly, you can use a thumb to plug the vaginal entrance (barely entering at all). With this technique, you are teasing the rim of the entrance with girth, rather than depth. Both techniques will build tension while you continue with lip service.
- Keep ‘er steady: Eventually, you will come to a point where you — and your partner — have found the rhythm for destined to make her climax. When this happens, stay consistent with the movement, pressure and speed. No sudden changes. Keep that rhythm going until the big O or until your partner indicates desire for something different such as penetration. Seriously, don’t change it!
Top Tip: Your ability to be mindful, aware of what you are doing and respond to her body is more important that perfecting some newfound tongue-skill or combo-move. Why not be brave and try eye contact to increase intensity?
5 bonus techniques: advanced pussy licking and how to stop tongue ache
Here’s 5 bonus tips and techniques for you to try. If you like the sound of them and want more information, check out The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex – Top Tips From Both Ends Of The Tongue where you’ll find details and further techniques for not much more than the price of a beer!
- Get your squeeze on: Straddle your partner’s mid-lower legs and squeeze them together with yours whilst you attempt to please her. Yes, I said “attempt”. This squeeze restricts your access and makes it difficult for your tongue to gain full contact with the clitoris. It will arouse your partner and build tension (and often frustration!). When you release those legs, your partner will be begging for action. This is one of my favorite moves
- The clit sandwich: Use the length of your middle finger and index finger to sandwich the clit and hood. This will allow you to stimulate the clit and surrounding areas whilst avoiding direct contact with the head, by using the clitoral head an inner lips as a barrier. You can also use a thumb to “pinch”. Both these techniques allow you to either hide or expose the clit, enabling you to apply controlled stimulation with your mouth to the desired area.
- The French suck*: Start with a vacuum-esque “French Kiss” that covers most of the vulva. Play with your tongue in the wetness, build up with flat licks, then gently suck the clit and release. Do this several times. Then get closer and press the flat of your tongue firmly against the clit. Simultaneously suck (gently) and grind (gently) your tongue against and around the clit. Note that using the tip of your tongue will be too much for most clits; stick to the flat instead.
- Polishing the pearl**: Similar to above, however instead of a “French kiss” style open-mouth, you’re pucker your lips to form an “ooh” shape around the clit and suck (gently!) to create a seal. Press the tip of your tongue through your lips and circle it around the nub. Follow this with an up-down motion and increase the pressure as your partner demands.
- Face off: You were given a chin and nose for a reason: To drive your partner wild during oral sex and to give your tongue a well-deserved break. Using your chin, nose, or entire face is one of the easiest ways to give your tongue a break whilst maintaining clitoral contact and staying close.
Bonus-Bonus Tip: From the missionary position (the position where most oral orgasms come from) pop a pillow under your partner’s butt. This will not only give you better access to the goods, but will give you more scope to adjust your position and ease neck strain.
* Sucking is not desirable to everyone, especially those with sensitive clits. Any sucking action should not be attempted until later in the session, when she’s highly aroused. Take it slowly and gently. Be mindful of her reactions.** Polishing the pearl should only be attempted after the French suck, after you know she enjoys clit-sucking action. Why? Because that pointed tip of your tongue will be in direct contact with the clit which can be way too much stimulation for some women.
How to tell if she has orgasmed
When a woman has an orgasm after receiving oral sex, it’s usually explosive. You will feel multiple involuntary spams and contractions throughout their body, stemming from the vagina walls, pelvic floor, and anus. Your lover may ejaculate a small or large amount of fluid — aka squirting or female ejaculation.
If your fingers are inside, you will feel the spasms and may even feel sparks of energy dissipate and cause your partner to shudder. Their thighs will squeeze, their body may contort, and when they can’t take any more they will physically push you away.
How to give her multiple orgasms
Trade secret: It’s much, much easier to make a woman come the second time than the first.
Same goes for the third, and fifth. So giving her multiple orgasms is not quite so difficult as you might think. Especially now you understand that sex is not just penis in vagina and you know a thing or two about licking pussy.
More than anything, she needs to be in the right state for it to happen (highly aroused) and her body needs to be capable or multiple or back-to-back orgasms (some bodies aren’t). There are many techniques and one of the most popular is edging; bringing them to the point of pre-orgasm multiple times before actually allowing her to go there. Often, this is not the best route to take with a new partner unless you’re both pretty confident as it can go the other way and result in frustration — but it is awesome, and certainly worth working on introducing to your sex life
One of the safer techniques that I finds works well in relation to oral sex is G-Spot stimulation at the right time (assuming your partner enjoys penetration). And it’s the reason I try to hold back from giving too much penetration during the early stages of cunnilingus.
Similar to men, our bits do take a moment to recover before they are ready for another orgasm, this is known as the “refractory period“. For those of us with a clit this can be very short and sometimes virtually non-existent, however in many cases our clitoris will need a short breather after orgasm. And thats when those fingers (and/or toys) come into play. Note: it’s not penis or strap-on time yet — you need to show some restraint and keep paying close attention down there. You can have your fun later (maybe. #consent).
One of the methods for back-to-back and multiple orgasms is to stimulate other erogenous zones such as the vagina, lips, or anus just as the orgasm is ending and to keep that stimulation up. For me, I switch focus to stimulating the G-spot with 2–3 fingers and massaging her outer lips, giving the clit a little time to recover. And by the time she’s climaxed again, the clit is usually better placed for a repeat performance. We can go through this cycle many times triggering a mix of “back-to-back/all-at-once” orgasms. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
How to satisfy a woman in bed – always
Delivering satisfaction through sex and watching your partner come is exhilarating, however what happens if your partner doesn’t climax? There are many reasons a receiver of cunnilingus may not come and many of these reasons will be nothing to do with you or your performance. Regardless of whether your partner came or not, there is one way to almost always guarantee satisfaction and a happy ending: Indulge in physical—but non-sexual—post-sex intimacy. Research has shown it to enhance intimacy, connectedness and sexual satisfaction within relationships.
So hold your partner and bond. Don’t just roll over and go to sleep, jerk one off, or leave. If you do any of those things, you are missing out on an opportunity to get closer to your lover, increase their confidence in you and thus increase the likelihood that they will climax the next time you go down on them.
Top Tip: introduce sex toys to your next session. Not only is she more likely to orgasm, but you will you learn a lot about what gets her off, and, after you get over any insecurities you may have, you’ll find it becomes a real turn on for you too.
A caveat – it takes two to tango, even with oral sex
A final word; good cunnilingus is not all about you being able to give “good cunnilingus”. Yes, you heard that right. As a lesbian who regularly finds herself at both ends of the tongue, I can tell you that your receiving partner has a lot of say on how “successful” your pussy eating endeavors are. So much so, I wrote a book on it; The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex.
If you’d like to learn more — or if you’d like your partner to learn more — go check it out!
So there we have it! Your free lesbian guide on how to eat pussy has come to an end. You should have a decent grasp of female anatomy, know how to lick a clit and give ultimate pleasure to a “woman” or anyone with a clit!
Now, go forth and have some fun!
https://alexbporter.com/how-to-eat-pussy
HOW TO EAT PUSSY LIKE A GOD: 34 CUNNILINGUS TIPS TO MAKE HER ADDICTED
I’m going to show you how to eat pussy so good that your partner speaks in tongues.
When you use the techniques I am about to show you, your girl is going to shout, scream and cry for more. She may even display signs of addiction.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of garbage out there on eating pussy the right way. That’s why I’ve structured this pussy eating guide so that it couldn’t be easier to be a cunnilingus master.
Truth be told, there are only two techniques you need, the Pancake and Vortex. These are the Pancake and Vortex and they are by far the most pleasurable and intense. In fact, every other technique you can learn is nowhere near as important as these two techniques…although I will teach you some other techniques, so you never run out of ideas.
Here’s how the guide is structured.
- Her Anatomy – A little boring, but god damn important!
- The Build Up – 7 Steps to teasing her to please her aka pussy eating foreplay
- Pancake & Vortex – The only 2 techniques you need to make her shake & scream with pleasure when you eat her pussy.
- 14 More Powerful Pussy Eating Techniques – These will make sure she is eternally grateful for the ecstasy you give her and that you’ll never run out of ideas.
- 11 Dangerous Mistakes Most Men Make – You must avoid these horrendous mistakes that most men make when licking her pussy if you want her to stay obsessed with you.
You don’t want to start using the Pancake and the Vortex to eat her pussy immediately. Taking your time to build up her anticipation and make her want it more is going to make her orgasms more powerful and intense.
This way, when you do finally lick, suck, caress and please her with your mouth, she’ll feel like a heroin addict who finally got her fix.
I will teach you how to properly “build up” to eating her pussy in just a second, but first, you need to fully understand her anatomy…
1. HER ANATOMY
In the diagram below, you can see the most important parts of the outside of her vagina aka her vulva.
Clitoral Hood – At the top of her vagina, you can see her clitoral hood. The clitoral hood is the little flap of skin that covers her clitoris. It protects her very sensitive clitoris from getting hurt and is similar to your foreskin [1]. Both are known as the “prepuce” [2].
Clitoris – Her clitoris is probably the most important part of her vulva when you are eating her out and licking her pussy. You can see a tiny nub of flesh full of nerve endings that you will be focusing most of your effort on. As you can see from the diagram, it’s located just underneath her clitoral hood (prepuce) [3, 4].
However, the clitoris extends far between the surface [5]. The clitoris is actually 9 to 11 centimeters long in total [6], so you don’t necessarily have to focus solely on the glans (tip) [7] of her clitoris to provide her pleasure when you lick her pussy. The hidden part includes a shaft [8, 9, 10], so you can think of your licks as stroking her shaft.
Labia Majora & Labia Minora – Her labia majora & minora are the flaps of skin indicated in the diagram that run along the outside of her vagina. As you can see, her labia majora are much larger than her labia minora. The sensitivity of these varies from woman to woman. Some women will adore it when you lick their labia, while others will be indifferent to it.
Urethral Opening – Her urethral opening is where she pees from, so we won’t be paying much attention to it when eating her pussy.
Vagina – Her vagina is the other area of her body, besides her clit that is super sensitive and feels incredible for her when it’s stimulated with your tongue or lips or finger or penis. Because the vagina is internal, it’s technically incorrect to say you eat her vagina.
Anus – Her anus also possesses a lot of nerve endings and can be quite pleasurable to have stimulated too if she’s into anilingus. I cover more about anal sex in the guide on how to have anal sex.
Now let’s learn about her important internal anatomy…
G Spot – Her G Spot is located on the anterior wall of her vagina [11, 12, 13] about 2-3 inches (5-7.5 cm) inside the anterior wall of her vagina. The G-spot is actually an area inside her vagina where you can access her clitoris internally [14]! If you’re using your fingers, feel for a place surrounded by valleys or “gutters” that has subtle ridges [15 p 82-83]. However, as I explain in the guide to making her squirt, her G Spot won’t feel pleasurable to touch until she is thoroughly aroused and horny.
So if you go looking for it but haven’t first got her aroused, you’re going to have trouble finding it.
You can find out more information on how to find her G Spot in here. Note: I originally wrote this guide for women, but it is just as relevant for guys.
A Spot – As you can see from the diagram, her A-Spot is located much deeper in her vagina on the anterior wall by the cervix. When stimulated it can lead to very powerful vaginal orgasms. Using your fingers to reach her A Spot is going to be difficult, so you may need to invest in something like a dildo to do it for you. The A-Spot is also called the deep spot, AFE zone or even the “epicenter.”
Vagina – The entire length of your girl’s vagina is sensitive and includes both her A Spot and G Spot.
Cervix – Your girl’s cervix is very sensitive, and while some women love having their cervix stimulated during masturbation and sex, others find even the slightest pressure on their cervix to be an intolerable source of painful sex. More on painful sex here. Pain might increase around her period when the cervix has become hard and low [16].
Anus & Rectum – Her rectum is the area inside her anus. Some girls love anal sex and being fingered anally, while others don’t. My advice is to talk to her and experiment. The anal sex guide should help you out too. One thing to remember is that the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so you should always use lube. Discover more about lube.
When you’re eating her pussy, you will be mostly focused on her outside anatomy, and I’ve covered the most important parts of it above.
2. THE BUILD UP – 7 STEPS TO TEASING HER TO PLEASE HER
Teasing will bring her to a frenzy, and it works on men, too. More about that in this post. This foreplay also increases the chance that your woman will orgasm – by 50% if you add 15 to 20 minutes [17]!
Now here’s a step-by-step guide to tease her:
1. Start With A Slow Journey – Kiss from her mouth down to her breasts. Keep kissing her body as you lower yourself to her waist and hips. As you get to her panties, place a hand on either leg and slowly spread them. Spots that are especially sensitive and turn a woman on are known as erogenous zones — and you might be surprised by some of them!
2. Panties – Don’t worry about taking her panties off just yet. Instead, kiss her vulva/vagina through her panties and even squeeze it lightly with your lips. You can also softly run your tongue over her vagina from the bottom right up to the clit.
3. Lower – After kissing her through her panties for a few minutes, move slightly lower with your kissing along her inner thigh. You can go as far down as the inside of her knee here, but the further you move from her vagina, the less sensitive it gets. Kiss her down along her inner thigh on one leg, then back up and afterward switch to her other leg.
If she likes it rougher, you can gently squeeze the skin of her inner thigh between your lips or even teeth, but make sure not to be too rough. Otherwise, you risk seriously hurting her. You can also suck the skin here to give her a hickey that no one will see but her.
When crossing to the other leg, spend a little longer kissing her vagina outside of her panties. Don’t be surprised if she begs you to start eating her out at this stage…if she does, try to keep a slow pace to keep building the anticipation.
4. Mons – Before you take her panties off, move your way above her clit to the top of her panties and place some soft kisses on her mons (the area above her clitoris).
5. Take Them Off – If she hasn’t already taken her panties off, place your fingers on either side of them, on the outside of her hips and slowly pull them down until they are all the way off.
6. Close Call – Now start slowly kissing and licking (extremely softly) all around her vagina and clit. The edge of your lips should be making a tiny amount of contact with her vagina and clit as you move your way around…constantly teasing her.
7. Main Course – Finally, you can get to the main course…it’s time to start using the Pancake & Vortex.
3. PANCAKE & VORTEX
These two techniques are incredibly easy to perform and as I said earlier, will be responsible for the most powerful orgasms you can give her when eating out her pussy. They are the:
- The Pancake
- The Vortex.
THE PANCAKE
The Pancake is crazy simple.
Start by sticking your tongue out of your mouth. Allow it to drop down over your chin and relax. Now make it wide and flat (like a pancake) as demonstrated below:
You will be holding your tongue in this position when performing the Pancake, keeping it relaxed, wide and flat.
To perform the Pancake, start with the base of your tongue at the bottom of her vulva. Making sure your entire tongue is thoroughly covered in saliva, slowly move your head upwards from the bottom of her vagina to the top so that your tongue moves from the bottom until the tip of your tongue passes over her clit.
DO NOT make movements with your tongue. Keep it relaxed, wide and flat. INSTEAD, your head will be doing all the movement. As your head moves upward, your tongue will follow.
This is the position you should start at
When you reach the top, stop, pull away from her so you are no longer making contact and start over from the bottom.
In the following demonstration you can see the position at the top…
Keeping your tongue relaxed, wide and flat ensures that you cover as much area of her vulva/vagina as possible, giving her maximum stimulation.
That’s all there is to performing the Pancake…
Although there are some important things to keep in mind…
What should I do with my tongue while I move my head upwards?
Just keep it relaxed, flat and wide. That’s it. Don’t try to make any shapes with it. Don’t curl it up. Don’t perform a flicking motion. Again, it should be relaxed, flat and wide when you eat out your girl.
How much pressure should I use to properly eat pussy?
First of all, you won’t be using the muscles in your tongue to apply pressure as you move upwards during the Pancake because you will be focused on keeping it relaxed, wide and flat…
I know I sound like a broken record here, but this is crucial to keep in mind.
Instead, you will be using your head and neck to apply pressure. This has the dual effect of making sure your tongue doesn’t get tired so quickly…enabling you to perform cunnilingus for longer, but also allowing you to provide huge amounts of pressure (if required).
So, how much pressure should you use…
As little as possible. More pressure does not equal more intense orgasms. You should use minimal pressure for the first few minutes and gauge her reaction to it. You should be so light, that you are barely touching her.
If she can come from incredibly light pressure, then you should focus mostly on using light pressure.
If you are not hearing, seeing or feeling much of a reaction from her (faster breathing. moaning, clutching at linens, bodily tension if she’s close to orgasm), then start to use increasing amounts of pressure until you can tell she’s enjoying it. However, your goal should always be to use the minimum amount of pressure possible to make her cum when you are eating her out.
How fast should I be?
This is similar to the amount of pressure you use…
Move as slowly as possible.
Again, you need to see how she responds to this. If she isn’t getting much enjoyment from your slow movement, you’ll need to speed up. Many women can come when you slowly move from the bottom of her vagina to the top over 15 long, agonizing seconds, while others need you to move as fast a dog drinks water!
When figuring out both how much pressure to use and how fast you should move, you need to listen to her body and see what she reacts to. You should also get her feedback on your technique. Don’t be afraid to ask her if this works for her.
Alternatively, you can experiment by specifying that you’re going to perform a few techniques and getting her to rate them.
Should I do anything different when she is about to cum?
There are two schools of thought about what to do when she is about to cum. The first is for beginners and intermediate folks while the second is for advanced guys…
Super-Steady Pace (beginner – intermediate) – Most women greatly appreciate when you can maintain an incredibly steady rhythm as they are about to cum. So, keep the pressure the same and maintain the same speed. Switching it up now can ruin her orgasm and mood.
Agonizing Slow Down (advanced) – If you have gone down on your girl, brought her to orgasm repeatedly and can now do it with ease, you should try the Agonizing Slow Down.
Here’s how to do it…
When you can tell that she is close to orgasm, slow down ever so slightly so that the final approach to orgasm takes longer than usual. This way she will get to experience the hyper-pleasurable build up to orgasm over a longer period.
As you try this more and more, the closer she is to orgasm, the slower you should get. This way, she will get to enjoy that wildly-intense feeling right before she comes, for longer. This will make her come much harder than normal.
Warning: If you haven’t eaten her pussy much before, you won’t know how her body reacts to your tongue that well. So trying the Agonizing Slow Down when you are new to eating her pussy is a recipe for a frustrated, dissatisfied woman.
Should I do anything different AFTER she has had an orgasm?
Just like guys, most women have a refraction period when they have clitoral orgasms. Her clitoris and vulva become ultra-sensitive, and when it’s touched, it’s almost painful.
So what should you do if your woman has a refractory period?
Well, don’t touch it for a few minutes, duh!
Instead, focus your attention elsewhere, kissing around her vagina and even returning to her inner thighs. Basically, do anything except making contact with her clit and vulva. Returning to foreplay is a good idea or simply lying beside her until she recovers can work too.
After a minute or two, if you want to continue eating her out (and she wants it too), you can test how sensitive she still is by kissing the bottom of her vagina and gauging her reaction. If she flinches, then wait longer. If she enjoys it, move higher and higher until you can touch her clit AND she enjoys it.
Any flinching on your way up and you’ll need to wait longer.
THE VORTEX
The Vortex is very easy to perform and crazy effective at making her eyes roll into the back of her head.
Make a small “O” shape with your lips like in the illustration below. This “O” shape should be a little bigger than her clit.
Make sure your lips are covered in saliva and place this “O” over your girl’s clit and the surrounding area
Then gently start sucking it.
This will cause her clit to get sucked up into your mouth and will feel very pleasurable for her.
That’s the basic technique, but there are multiple variations you should try, all while keeping note of what she enjoys most.
Constant Vortex – The easiest way to perform the Vortex is by keeping a constant level of suction. For some women, this is all they need to reach climax.
Rhythmic Vortex – When performing the Rhythmic Vortex, you will be sucking and releasing the pressure rhythmically, pulling her clit in and out of your mouth and releasing it. How fast you do this is up to you…
You can do it slowly or as fast as the beat of a song. Talk to her and listen to her body and gauge what she prefers.
Hard Vortex, then slow release – First you need to quickly apply a strong level of suction to her clit, before releasing it slowly. Rinse & repeat.
Licking Vortex (my favorite) – When you suck her clit into your mouth, try holding it there, while you use your tongue to massage her clit. As I mentioned earlier, vary the speed and pressure you apply with your licking to figure out what she enjoys most.
How big should my O be?
The answer to this question is…
Whatever works best.
If your girl prefers you to use a small “O” where you can barely suck her clit into her mouth, then do that. If she finds it most pleasurable when you have a very wide “O” and suck in her clit along with a large part of her labia and vulva, then do that instead.
As always, listen to her body for feedback, but also talk to her and you’ll figure out exactly what she needs for her most powerful orgasms.
Should I use my teeth on her clit?
Hell no! Her clit is one of the most sensitive spots on her body, so it’s highly likely that your teeth will hurt her clit. Even if she explicitly asks for it, you need to be incredibly cautious and I would recommend that you never use your teeth.
And that’s the only two pussy eating techniques you’ll ever need to give your girl mind-altering orgasms and make you the best she’s ever had…
But…
4. 14 MORE POWERFUL PUSSY EATING TECHNIQUES
Of course, there are a bunch of other cunnilingus techniques that work well for keeping things fresh, even if they aren’t quite as effective as the Pancake & Vortex…
So, if you find that you have slipped into a routine or become somewhat robotic when eating and licking her pussy, then you may want to try some of the following tips…
1. UNDER PRESSURE
This technique is all about applying extra pressure to the area directly below her clitoris during the Pancake.
So, when you are making your way up her vulva, right before your reach her clit, you should increase the pressure so that the base of your tongue is forced under her clit slightly.
Once the base of your tongue is under her clit, slow down your movement, but don’t release the pressure.
As you continue to move upwards, she will feel the texture of your tongue stimulate the bottom of her clit, adding a further dimension to your oral sex skills.
2. TAKE HER TO THE EDGE & BACK
Edging is a powerful tool you can use to amplify her orgasms. The best part is that you don’t have to reserve edging for when you go down on her to eat her out. You can use it during anal sex, regular sex or any other activity that can make her orgasm.
For now, we’re going to talk about how to edge her when eating her pussy.
Start by eating her out as you normally would…
When you can tell she is getting close to climaxing, start to slow down and back off, so she DOESN’T orgasm.
Spend twenty seconds to two minutes on something else pleasurable that won’t bring her to orgasm like:
- Kissing all the way around her vagina.
- Kissing her up and down her inner thighs.
- Focusing your attention on her breasts.
Then when she has calmed down just a little bit, return to eating her out as normal, but at a slightly slower pace this time. Again, you want to do this up until she is about to climax, then…
Stop.
Again, spend some time on other pleasurable, but non-orgasm-inducing activities until she has calmed down.
Start eating her out again at an even slower pace all the way until she cums.
I can guarantee you that edging her like this will cause her to have one of the most powerful orgasms of her life, if not the most powerful.
And, as I said before, you can use edging during any orgasm inducing activity 😉
Note that it’s difficult for some women to come, even if you eat pussy the right way. If this applies to your partner, I would not advise trying to edge her because you’ll both end up frustrated just like you might feel if you struggle to get hard and maintain your erection.
3. GIVE HER THE FINGER
Using your fingers when you are eating her pussy can be awesome. It gives you the opportunity to give her more stimulation, stimulate her simultaneously internally and externally, and provides her with lots of variation. There are a bunch of ways to finger her while eating her out, with some being easy to do, while others will feel quite awkward.
4. LICK HER CLIT & FINGER HER G SPOT
Licking her clit or using the Under Pressure technique of applying extra pressure under her clit while you finger her G Spot is a great way to add your fingers to the mix. Scientists have even found that oral and manual sex (fingering) along with deep kissing are the three activities most likely to get a woman off [18]. So oral sex skills might be more important than making your penis bigger or lasting longer in bed.
You can also use your free hand to press down on her mons pubis to provide stimulation of the G-spot externally. Some women also like when you rub this area.
5. SUCK HER CLIT & FINGER BOTTOM OF HER VAGINA
Alternatively, you can suck her clit like in the demonstration above. While doing this, try massaging the bottom of her vagina, as deep as possible.
Keep in mind that for some women, the bottom of their vagina is not particularly sensitive, although, for many, the bottom of their vagina at the back of it is very sensitive. So you may have trouble reaching it unless you happen to have incredibly long fingers. You can always substitute your finger with a dildo or penis shaped vibrator if you happen to have one.
6. LICK HER CLIT, FINGER HER G SPOT & PLAY WITH HER ASS
If it’s not too awkward or uncomfortable for you, you can use another hand to stimulate her ass while your mouth focuses on her clit.
There are a bunch of ways to play with her ass.
- Simply rub it on the outside without ever penetrating it.
- Light, rhythmic pressure on the opening, without penetrating it.
- In & out penetration.
- Holding your finger(s) inside her ass.
Note: The easiest way to play with her ass, is to put your arm over her leg and reach around from behind.
Warning: If you use one or both of your hands on her ass, then make sure you DO NOT touch her vagina with them afterward. Otherwise, you risk giving her vagina an infection.
7. EXPERIMENT
I’ve given you some ideas of how to get your fingers involved when eating her pussy, but there are so many more ways to use them. You don’t even have to use your fingers at the same time you are eating her out. For example, you can take a rest from eating her pussy by fingering her and then return to eating it when you’re ready.
You’ll find 20+ ideas in the guide to fingering your girl.
Speaking of using your hands…
8. POWERPLAY
Introducing some element of power play when you’re eating her pussy out can be incredibly hot. Here are two ways to do it:
Tie Her Arms Up – If your girl enjoys being restrained when you’re intimate, then tying her arms above her head before you lick her out is going to be a lot of fun for both of you. It takes a lot of her control away. Rather than repeating myself here, check out this guide for restraining your partner during sex.
Get Her To Control The Pressure – Equally, she may adore being the one in control.
She can take control when you’re eating her pussy by putting her hands on your head. This will allow her to control your position, pace, and pressure as you eat her out.
She can even get a little rough by pulling your hair and grinding her pussy against your face.
This also has the added benefit of allowing her to push your head away if her clit becomes too sensitive after orgasm.
9. GET HER TO HELP
Pussy eating can be a team sport. This is especially true if she has trouble reaching orgasm.
If your woman can’t quite climax as you’re licking her pussy, she can add extra stimulation herself using her hands. I’m not going to repeat myself here, but she may want to try some of the techniques I describe in the Masturbation Guide or this article on fingering herself.
She can also move her labia out of the way while you lick her pussy by spreading them with her fingers.
She can even call an audible, instructing you to use more or less pressure, go faster or slower or to refocus your efforts elsewhere.
10. EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR TONGUE
I know that at the start of this pussy eating guide, I mentioned that there is no need to move/flick your tongue when going down on her.
This is TRUE for the most part…
But…
There is no harm in experimenting with AND gauging her reaction to it. For many women, they find that having their clit flicked inconsistently by the tip of your tongue to be more annoying than pleasurable.
But, a percentage of women DO like it, and some may like it as a finishing move…
And, it’s one way to change things up from time to time. You can try:
- Curling your tongue up and using it penetrate her.
- Swirling your tongue around her clit.
- Flicking her clit up-and-down or side-to-side.
- Using the Pancake in reverse. Start at the top of her clit and move downwards.
- You can even try holding it in place on her pussy with sustained pressure.
11. PICK A SIDE
Determine which side of her clit she likes most to have stimulated!
- Left or right side?
- Top or bottom?
- Somewhere in between?
Her clitoris has crura (legs) that extend below the clitoris and under the skin to either side of her vaginal opening [19]. This may be the reason there is a particular side that is most sensitive for her.
12. WETTER IS BETTER
This is not so much a technique, but more general advice when going down or learning how to finger a girl. The wetter you can make it, the better it will feel for your girl.
I’m not talking about using water here.
Instead, I’m talking about using as much saliva as possible. And, if you have trouble producing enough saliva, then I highly recommend using lube instead. Flavored lube can also make the activity more pleasurable for you.
13. COOL RUNNINGS
If you want to take a break from eating her pussy, then a great way to do that is to pull back and make that same “O” shape with your lips during the Vortex
Then gently blow on her wet pussy to give her a cooling sensation.
This is also a great move to use during her refractory period when her clit and vulva can be too sensitive to touch.
14. EATING HER ASS
Eating her ass AFTER you eat her pussy is fantastic if she enjoys anilingus.
Warning: Do not touch her pussy again with your mouth once it has been near her ass. Your mouth will likely have small amounts of fecal matter on it (no matter how clean she is). This fecal matter can then enter her vagina from your mouth causing irritation and infection.
There are a bunch of ways to eat her ass that I have detailed in this Ass Eating Guide. Even though the Ass Eating Guide is written for women learning how to eat their guy’s ass, pretty much all the same information applies to you when eating your girl’s ass.
Get more tips in this post about rimming.
Remember that if you lick her anus, you definitely DON’T want to go back to tongue in vagina stimulation.
Remember that if you lick her anus, you definitely DON’T want to go back to tongue in vagina stimulation.
5. 11 DANGEROUS MISTAKES MOST MEN MAKE
Unfortunately, there are some potential problems, and stumbling blocks that you may run into that will affect the amount of pleasure you can give to your girl when eating her pussy. You need to be aware of these problems and avoid them to make sure you maximize your pussy eating efforts.
1. Don’t use the alphabet – This is where you draw the alphabet with your tongue on her clit/pussy. Most girls don’t enjoy it at all when you spell the alphabet with your tongue on her pussy.
This technique doesn’t work because it’s incredibly inconsistent. You might hit a place she likes, but you’re not going to spend much time on it. Speaking of inconsistency…
2. Be consistent – Being inconsistent is a great way to frustrate your girl and make it near impossible for her to orgasm. Most guys feel the same way when they are getting a hand job/blow job. It’s frustrating when she strokes you randomly with no consistency.
In other words, you should aim to use the same rhythm, speed, and pressure when you go down on her, ESPECIALLY as she’s about to cum.
3. Listen for feedback – Terrible lovers do not look for feedback. You need to listen to her feedback, both listening to how her body reacts as well as actively asking her what she enjoys most.
As you get more and more feedback from her, you will be able to build up a mental library of techniques that are guaranteed to make her see you as the best lover she’s ever had.
When listening to her body, if she’s moaning or sounds breathless, you’re doing a great job. And if she’s closed her eyes or her body is tensing up, or she starts breathing faster/harder, then she is probably close to orgasm, and you just need to continue at the same pace.
However, some women like oral sex but don’t get to that point. An important part of knowing how to give cunnilingus is knowing that not every woman will orgasm or even wants to, and you definitely shouldn’t pressure or rush her.
4. Food is a bad idea – Licking cream off your partner’s body can be incredibly erotic and fun. But licking it off her pussy can cause serious problems.
Some food particles can make their way into her vagina and cause irritation or a yeast infection (find out more about yeast infections) or even worse. For this reason, you should avoid putting cream, chocolate sauce or any other food on or near her vagina.
5. Do not imitate porn – Trying to imitate porn during sex or when fingering her or when eating her pussy is usually a bad idea. Porn is filmed to look good on screen, and that’s it.
Porn directors don’t particularly care whether or not the actors are enjoying it and as a result, porn provides a shitty way to learn good pussy eating technique.
6. Do not be too rough – The clitoris is amazingly sensitive, so you don’t need a lot of force. Although some women enjoy hard pressure, not every woman does.
Try licking through her panties or labia if she’s too sensitive for direct contact.
7. Do not try to replicate sex – You’ll notice that most of the techniques we suggested focus on licking her clitoris and vulva. While many women enjoy vaginal sex, you’re limited with what you can do with your tongue, which probably won’t be able to penetrate very much.
Even if you could, the tongue in vagina technique doesn’t do much for many women.
You can lick around the opening and may even love the taste of her there, but you want to get back to her clitoris sooner rather than later.
Of course, some women do like tongue insertion when being eaten out, so you might want to ask just in case. You’ll never understand how to eat out a girl if you’re afraid of communication!
8. Do use your hands – Using your hands when eating her pussy is A-OK. As I mentioned before, it’s also a great way to give your mouth and tongue a rest and also change things up. Variation is the spice of life, after all. Here are just a few examples of how you can get your hands involved.
- You can switch between stimulating her using only your tongue and then using only your hands and then using only your tongue again.
- You can use both your tongue and fingers at the same time.
- You can use your hands almost exclusively, and as she’s getting close to orgasm, you can finish her off using only your tongue. Or vice-versa.
9. Do not rush, but don’t ignore quickies either – I’ve previously talked about how taking your time can work really well to build anticipation.
It means when you finally go down on her, she’s so incredibly sensitive and ready that you can pretty much do no wrong.
Equally, it can be really hot if you’re at a party together and you quickly sneak off and eat her out before returning knowing that you’ve both been up to no good.
The key is switching things up to keep it interesting. If you do the same thing, it’ll get boring for both of you.
And if you’re the type who rushes eating someone out because you simply see it as a type of foreplay before getting to the “main thing,” you’re missing out — and your girl knows it. Attitude matters and you need to understand that if you want to eat pussy like a pro.
10. Do ask for help – In the ideal world, you will be able to listen and observe your girl’s body as you try different techniques on her, allowing you to see what works and what doesn’t work.
Some women just won’t like certain cunnilingus tips I’ve just given you, and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with her. It just means you need to spend more time getting to know her specific preferences.
If she isn’t sure what she likes, we suggest trying a few different ways to eat pussy and getting her to rate them.
However…
This strategy doesn’t always work.
Some women are quieter than others and may not react much, even when they orgasm. As a result, you may find it near impossible to tell if she is enjoying herself or not.
The only solution is getting some feedback from her. After you go down on her, try asking her about what she enjoyed, what she didn’t enjoy, and what she wants you to do differently.
This is the only way that you’re going to get better at eating her out.
11. Do not make orgasm the goal – When a girl goes down on you, it feels amazing, right? The same is true for women.
But…
Women often have a more difficult time reaching orgasm when they are with you. They can feel self-conscious when getting intimate. In fact, reaching orgasm when masturbating alone is usually easier for most women.
So try not to focus solely on making her climax when eating her pussy…
Don’t tell her you’re going to make her orgasm, especially if you’ve never helped her to cum in the past.
This allows her just to appreciate the pleasure, even if she doesn’t get off.
AND…
She won’t feel required to fake an orgasm if she doesn’t get there.
Is your partner having trouble with orgasm? Read this together.
WHAT IF NONE OF THESE PUSSY EATING TECHNIQUES WORK?
If you find that none of these techniques are working on your girl, the most likely reason is that you have not followed Step 1 & 2 of the Bad Boys Bible correctly and not that you don’t know how to eat pussy. If you haven’t removed the Brakes to her sexuality and have not used some Accelerators, then she will naturally find it hard to get in the mood, let go and enjoy you going down on her.
The only other reason is that she simply may NOT enjoy the thought of you eating her pussy. She may be so self-conscious that no amount of effort on Step 1 (Removing the Brakes to her Sex Drive) will allow her to fully enjoy it.
Of course, there are plenty of other great techniques to make your girl orgasm if cunnilingus is not your girl’s cup of tea.
RESOURCES
Check out the Wikipedia pages for both the A-spot (AFE ZONE) and G-spot.
Youtuber Stevie gives pussy eating tips in this video as part of her Lesbian Sex Ed series.
Bustle has two posts where women describe what oral sex feels like and what they’re thinking about to provide you with more cunnilingus tips.
One woman opens up about the best oral sex she ever had and what the guy did right before licking her vagina.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Learning how to eat pussy is surprisingly easy. However, if you want your girl to enjoy it and more importantly, beg you for it, then you need to be aware of Step 1 – Removing the Brakes to her Sex Drive and Step 2 – Amplifying the Accelerators to her Sex Drive. Otherwise, all the techniques that I’ve just taught you are going to be far less effective when you lick, eat, caress and suck her pussy with your mouth and tongue.
https://badgirlsbible.com/how-to-eat-pussy
The Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm is an ancient Tantric sex technique, which was first practiced over 3000 years ago. Although 70 percent of women can only achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, this technique uses combined stimulation of the clitoris and G-spot to bring a woman to what is called a “blended” or "combination" orgasm. This kind of orgasm is at least twice as intense as either the clitoral or G-spot orgasms by themselves.
How to Find the G-Spot
With your lover lying on her back with her legs open, looking down at her navel and pubic mound, hold your hand palm up, insert one or two lubricated fingers into her vagina. With the pads of your fingers, feel along the front of the vaginal canal. About 1-2 inches past the opening, you will feel an area of rougher, spongy tissue. This is the G-spot.
5 Steps to a Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm
1) Foreplay
Begin with a hot make out session to begin, with lots of hugging, kissing, caressing, and fondling to get you both in the mood for sex.
2) Oral Sex
Oral sex is a great way to prepare her for G-spot stimulation. Start by opening her labia and licking her vulva from bottom to top and back again in slow, long strokes. Next, use shorter, firmer strokes using your tongue in a flicking motion around her clitoris. Then go back to the slow, long strokes again. Do this until she becomes very aroused, close to, but not quite to, the point of orgasm.
3) Add Finger(s)
Next, use your finger(s) to penetrate her vagina. Be sure to apply plenty of lubricant to your fingers and the vaginal opening, even if she is wet. Use one or two fingers and locate her G-spot. It should be puffed up from arousal by now. Stimulate her G-spot with long, firm strokes, or use a gentle tapping motion to slightly press into the G-spot repeatedly.
4) Clitoral and G-Spot Stimulation
Go back to stimulating the clitoris with your fingers or tongue. Stroke or rub around the clitoris in circular motion until you find her sensitive, orgasmic spot. This spot will be at 1 o’clock or possibly at 11o’clock from her clitoris (upper left or right). Continue to stimulate this area until she is ready to orgasm. At the same time, continue to stimulate the G-spot. As she gets more aroused she may begin thrusting her hips and pressing her G-spot into your fingers. This means she is about to climax. Keep doing whatever it takes to push her over the edge. As her orgasm builds, she may want a more firm, thrusting pressure into her G-spot, and very rapid flicking on the sensitive spot of her clitoris.
5) Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm
If you have done everything well, and your lover has responded, then she will now be achieving a clitoral and G-spot orgasms combined into one. It's possible that she may female ejaculate or "squirt" as well, although not every woman does. It's neither better nor worse if she does or doesn't.
A blended ir combination orgasm is a more “advanced” type of climax because it requires your knowing your lover's body quite well. Practice makes perfect, so the more you and your lover experiment and experience blended orgasms, the easier and more powerful they will become. Also, Kegel exercises will help to strengthen the muscles you use in this type of orgasm, which will lead to even more intense sensations.
Lesbian Sex 101: The Cunnilingus Countdown
7 suggestions for a good, queer lickin'.
BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
HTTP://WWW.TRENDSPACE.RU.OPT-IMAGES.1C-BITRIX-CDN.RU
Chowing down on fish tacos, munching carpet, dining beneath the bridge, yodeling in the love canyon, lapping the labia - whatever you want to call it, cunnilingus is one of the staples of lesbian sex (and hello - any sex involving a vagina!).
As the sheer plethora of slang goes to show, being able to tackle the tongue-wash is an essential tool for the queer girl to have in her... box. Yet this quintessential lesbian sex act is rarely talked about, thanks to the trickle-down effect of overly heteronormative ideas of what "counts as sex” (a.k.a penis-in-vagina) which dictates what kind of sex education we get (a.k.a. diddly squat).
Here to supplement your lick-lustre sex ed are seven things to count down to killer cunnilingus that’ll make sure you’re lickin’ good before you go (down).
7. Look before you lap: Pleasuring another’s pussy is a lot like putting together a puzzle - something you wouldn’t opt to do in the dark. So why hit the lights when licking your lover? Watch where you’re going, bask in her box’s beauty, and score extra points by letting her know how cute her kitty really is.
6. Speak up before you go down: In the wise words of Diana Cage in her book Lesbian Sex Bible, “You cannot have a conversation and eat pussy at the same time. Of course, many lesbians have tried, but all of them have failed." It’s awfully hard to communicate with a mouth full of muff, and yet communication is key when it comes to consent and pleasure. So, ask your sweetie questions about her sweet-spots before you start tasting her sugar and verbally check in well before she starts heading to the peak of her climactic candy mountain.
5. Do (dental) damage control: Latex (and non-latex) barriers like dental dams help protect against STI/STD transmission via oral sex. Place one between your mouth and where you’re licking to make sure your fluids don’t mix, adding a little lube to her side to better transmit body heat and sensation.
4. Get lesbi-zen: When it comes to cunnlingus, it’s not what you do but how you do it; being present, focused and completely in-tune with your partner’s physical and vocal feedback will give you crucial cues about how you’re doing, where to go next, and when not to ever, ever, ever, stop.
3. Get your hands dirty: You don’t need to keep your hands tied behind your back - this isn’t a pie-eating contest (okay, it kind of is). Just because you’re getting lingual doesn’t mean you can’t also drive manual. Use the pads of your fingers to spread her labia to access her clitoris better, or insert a finger or two for dual stimulation via penetration (with permission, and gloves for safer-sex!). Your hands go a long way in keeping you connected, so don’t forget to run them over her breasts, belly, and booty, too!
2. Don’t clit it then quit it: Though our little hooded friend is required for orgasm for over 70% of us, she isn’t the only one worth smooching. When headed downtown, make sure to explore the avenues around the main attraction, especially when you’ve just arrived. Once your partner is warmed up, you can focus more on the clitoris with small circles and consistent stimulation until climax. Asking your partner to tell you when she’s close to climax before you get started is a great strategy so you don’t need to break contact with her clit once her hips start bucking.
1. Forget your ABCs: Tracing the alphabet is for tots, not for twats. Abandon all cunnilingus tips you’ve heard involving the alphabet and, instead, diversify your tongue techniques over time. Though you don’t want to stay in one place or do the same tongue motion for too long, you also don’t want to move L-M-N-O-P-fast.
Instead, work from the outside → in so that you move from less focused sensation (the thighs and outer labia) to more intense sensation (the inner labia and clitoris). Try circles, a wide flat tongue, broad strokes, and small figure-eights. Use what Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101, calls 'The Firm ‘O’': Make a firm ‘O’ shape with your mouth over the general area of the clitoris to add sensation-via-suction while you lick away.
No matter the technique, remember that the cunnilingus customer is always right. Take her lead and adjust to her responses. Whatever you do, don’t stop the speed, movement, pressure, and motion you happen to be doing as she gets close to climax. Don’t stop, baby. DON’T STOP.
Lesbian Fingering for a Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm
How to Find the G-Spot
With your lover lying on her back with her legs open, looking down at her navel and pubic mound, hold your hand palm up, insert one or two lubricated fingers into her vagina. With the pads of your fingers, feel along the front of the vaginal canal. About 1-2 inches past the opening, you will feel an area of rougher, spongy tissue. This is the G-spot.
5 Steps to a Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm
1) Foreplay
Begin with a hot make out session to begin, with lots of hugging, kissing, caressing, and fondling to get you both in the mood for sex.
2) Oral Sex
Oral sex is a great way to prepare her for G-spot stimulation. Start by opening her labia and licking her vulva from bottom to top and back again in slow, long strokes. Next, use shorter, firmer strokes using your tongue in a flicking motion around her clitoris. Then go back to the slow, long strokes again. Do this until she becomes very aroused, close to, but not quite to, the point of orgasm.
3) Add Finger(s)
Next, use your finger(s) to penetrate her vagina. Be sure to apply plenty of lubricant to your fingers and the vaginal opening, even if she is wet. Use one or two fingers and locate her G-spot. It should be puffed up from arousal by now. Stimulate her G-spot with long, firm strokes, or use a gentle tapping motion to slightly press into the G-spot repeatedly.
4) Clitoral and G-Spot Stimulation
Go back to stimulating the clitoris with your fingers or tongue. Stroke or rub around the clitoris in circular motion until you find her sensitive, orgasmic spot. This spot will be at 1 o’clock or possibly at 11o’clock from her clitoris (upper left or right). Continue to stimulate this area until she is ready to orgasm. At the same time, continue to stimulate the G-spot. As she gets more aroused she may begin thrusting her hips and pressing her G-spot into your fingers. This means she is about to climax. Keep doing whatever it takes to push her over the edge. As her orgasm builds, she may want a more firm, thrusting pressure into her G-spot, and very rapid flicking on the sensitive spot of her clitoris.
5) Combined Clitoral and G-Spot Orgasm
If you have done everything well, and your lover has responded, then she will now be achieving a clitoral and G-spot orgasms combined into one. It's possible that she may female ejaculate or "squirt" as well, although not every woman does. It's neither better nor worse if she does or doesn't.
A blended ir combination orgasm is a more “advanced” type of climax because it requires your knowing your lover's body quite well. Practice makes perfect, so the more you and your lover experiment and experience blended orgasms, the easier and more powerful they will become. Also, Kegel exercises will help to strengthen the muscles you use in this type of orgasm, which will lead to even more intense sensations.
Here's Literally Everything You Need to Know About Going Down on a Woman
Please share this with your boyf and guy friends ASAP.
Cunnilingus can be the best thing in the whole entire world. But... if your partner doesn't know what they're doing and isn't open to learning, it can be a miserable nightmare that warrants the throwing of nearby glassware—okay, or maybe just a long conversation about wtf their deal is.
To be fair though, vulvas and vaginas are tough to navigate. They're all different and enjoy a variety of things—sometimes simultaneously. So, we get it, figuring out what each woman is into can be challenging to say the least.
Some women like turbo-pressure on their clit, and others prefer a low-key flat tongue pressing against their vulva—though, who can know until you ask or try? Here are 13 tips to (hopefully) make the experience more pleasurable for you, and less of a lizard-licking motion you dread.
1. Know the tongue movements.
For starters, it's important to understand the top four tongue motions most women love on their clit. And the winners? Up and down, circular, side to side, and rapid pushing (pulsating) in one spot according to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. The good news? You're guaranteed to come close to hitting the spot with one of these four options.
2. Do your own research.
Because, hey, the only way we can tell others how to please ourselves is by knowing how we get off, right? Figure out what you like so you can clue in the clueless. Use a bullet vibe along your labia and clitoris to commit your fave spots to memory, so you can help point your suitor in the right direction.
3. Start from the outside and work your way in.
In other words, don't jump right to the main event when you have some appetizers to eat first. Remember that female orgasms are a build-up and take prodding and prying before hitting the good spot. Think about it like how you use utensils at a fancy restaurant—outside to in. So don't jump straight to the clitoris, mmk?
4. You have a whole face, use it.
Victoria,33, host of the sex podcast Livin' and Lovin' in NYC, says that using your whole face and not just your tongue can be incredibly helpful. For example, if you're going for direct clitoral stimulation, try cupping the clit lightly between your lips while moving your head around. Your nose can also be used to provide stimulation as well, so don't be afraid to give that a shot.
5. Direct clitoral stimulation is not for everyone.
Victoria points out that not everyone wants their clit pushed like an elevator button in rush hour, so it's important to ask them if they do. Victoria explains: "For many women, their clit is just too sensitive and it will feel so intense that you'll need to stop. However, I have also encountered women who have been clear on needing extremely direct stimulation in order to achieve orgasm." Plus, it couldn't be easier to ask someone, "Do you like direct clitoral stimulation or nah?" before you start going down on them. And my guess is they'll appreciate it.
6. You can totally eat with your hands (sorry).
Victoria recommends putting a few fingers inside the vagina while you're licking or simply adding some nipple stimulation into the mix. Again, it's probably a good idea to discuss doing either one beforehand so you're not casually twisting her nipples off her body or putting in too many or too few fingers. And if you're going to insert fingers, cut your nails!
7. The clitoris is not the only part of the vulva you should care about.
Sydney, 45, says that licking around the vulva can be just as important as paying attention to the clitoris. Sydney explains: "People with penises: You would not want all your stimulation just on the head of the penis would you?" Most people with penises would probably agree that no, they would not. Keep that in mind.
8. Yes, you can add a dildo!
You don't have to be active with it (aka thrusting the dildo while going down on her) if you or they don't want to. Sydney recommends simply having the dildo inside her to give her the feeling of fullness while you're going down on her. No special moves necessary.
9. Act like you actually want to be doing this.
Kendra, 26, says she finds it super-hot when someone is really enthusiastic and clearly wants to go down on her. To communicate that, Lisa Kan, Betty Dodson-certified Bodysex instructor and Orgasm coach, recommends you "get in there and do it like you mean it." Kan adds, "Use your whole tongue, the tip, even the underside to play with sensation and direction. Lean in with your face so that the receiver can press into you and grind as much as she likes. Noses, cheeks, and chins can make delicious pressure."
10. No, dental dams aren't that complicated and they won't kill the mood.
Since you can still get STIs from oral sex, porn performer Jiz Lee, 35, recommends using a dental dam or even plain Saran-wrap (go with the non-microwavable, non-porous variety though). Lee explains: "A dental dam doesn't have to make it awkward. Some people really love the sensation of a dam against their pubic area." Plus, better awkward and safe than less-awkward and sorry.
11. Once she's coming, don't stop.
Unless she specifically tells you to stop while she's coming, Kendra recommends holding her hips in place while swirling your tongue around her vulva and fingering her. Kendra adds: "Ever hear a girl say that she came hard? That's probably how it happened."
12. If you get tired of using your mouth, it's totally OK to switch things up.
Lu, 19, says that going down on a woman can be super-tiring, especially if you're like her former partner who had "mini-orgasmic patterns, rather than one build up to one final climax." Lu says an easy way to keep up your stamina is to switch to using your hand for a little while to give your mouth a break. This way, they're still on their way to Orgasm City, but you also won't feel like you're getting lockjaw.
13. There is no one tried and true way to get every single person off.
Just because drawing circles with your tongue sent your last partner into a crazy, orgasm-filled, blissed-out state doesn't mean your current partner will dig that. Because of that, communicating with each partner as much as possible and taking note of what they're into (as opposed to relying on some kind of blueprint) is a solid call.
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